there is space for me. not in the version of time, stillness or room, but space like place. like i am aware of my space in the world around me right now. what i have to offer and conversely what i don't have to offer. and everyday i am more peaceful with my space things seem to look more lovely and fall easy.
because what wears me is wanting someone else's space, wanting my space to be different, resisting my space, or living for my next space. here and now in my less contemplative and more operative days i just know me better and feel less resistant to her. i feel more concious of what is and isn't a choice right now and there is actually peace in the limitations. who knew?
my space is Charlotte. Wilmore. UNC Charlotte. Work. a Community Affairs team. Gary, my volvo. my long outdated ipod selection of music. Stephen. Hannah. my family the Osters and my family the Wilsons. meat, veggies, fruit, coffee and wine = the diet that works for my body. running.my space is learning how to parent. establishing values and priorities as a parent and hoping like heck to live them out. yoga. ruthies. grub club. deep friends who already know. women. advocacy. unemployed spouse. no sewing or craft abilities. worst preschool mom out there.
and tomorrow these things may change but i can do tomorrow and i can do change if i can do today more peacefully. im afraid of less and more afraid of doing less. im so ready to be out of my head and more out in the world, offering more honestly, regreting less frequently, thinking more fully. i have space and by God's mercy I'll live in it.