not a song my friends, but a book... a mom's guide how to stay fabulous. not so much on my christmas wish list, while we are happy volvo drivers, i don't have the mental space to jump into this novel on how to feel sexy in my volvo stationwagon. seriously? made me laugh and that was appreciated. mixed bag - this season is a mixed bag. for everyone, right? my heart feels streched all over the place... tugged at each corner. i'm allowing the twinkle of the christmas tree lights and this delish glass of red wine to warm me as i reflect on the speediest season of all. i meant to participate more fully in advent, how many years do i get to say that? i meant to have my shopping (nevermind finished) started...i meant to make it to your christmas party and bake you cookies or bread? i thought about the gym, does that count? but weighty things are on my heart - the lost jobs and the searching for new, the broken marriage ending in separation, the damn strength of infertility waving by longing hearts of friends, tiredness feeling neverending, most things feeling unaccomplishable, single heart longing for companionship, families around the world suffering for the basic needs. these very real things break my heart. here's what mixes the bag - what completely undoes me is to be witness to God's miracle and timing. last year at this time was one of the lowest seasons of my life. i was lonely and surprised again to go through the holiday season childless. how many times do we approach seasons surprised and hoping we would be in a different place? Graciously, God chose last January to give us the unbelievable gift of conception. and now we enter this holiday beaming with joy to hold our very favorite gift everyday. so what i guess i am trying to say is half the bag makes it worth hoping. it is the season of miracles, right...