Clear and Loud

i am spilling over with joy today which feels foreign and perfect all at the same time. i have pictures to paint of the weekend that you met me God, over and over, with my family, with nature, with grace for myself. in advance and always, thank you Jesus. it's weird to say you have been missing since January because I know that is not the truth, but the stark realness of separation from your voice and presence is what i have felt.

it poured raining, soaking our hair and coats every time we even ran to the car for all of Thursday and Friday. I was trying to help set up camp with Amy at her first new home in Vancouver, BC. I am so happy for her and Aaron, however i can say the dampness, the boxes and the loud needs of children seemed to win. All of our faces wanted to celebrate but our bodies and minds could not rally as they were worn from sorting out boxes and whines. All worth it I will say because I love doing life with my sister in any form. honest and less perfect than we imagined, fine, we were together. 

Cold and weary, Hannah and I returned to PH, firewood and a bag full of groceries of all of our favorite things - the no cook meal. We spread out fresh baguette, homemade blueberry jam, triple cream cheese, salami, castelvetrano olives, apple and fennel salad with fresh lemon juice, almonds, and a bottle of french red wine.  We played Zingo and enjoyed being back together. Before Hannah went to bed she looked at us and said, "I want you and you to bring me breakfast in bed." we both laughed. Mostly thinking NO CHANCE because she wakes so early, but totally endeared by her hope. She and Stephen had brought me breakfast in bed a few weeks ago on Valentines Day by surprise and I think she has been wondering when her big chance was.

Miraculously, the half-lidded eyes and fumbling hands found my iphone and read 7:50am the next morning. I cannot tell you the last time the child slept past 7, ever. We seriously wondered if she was laying there waiting on breakfast service, so we popped up and whipped up smoothies and pancakes. Twenty minutes later, we put pink flower petals on her pink tray and brought her down breakfast in bed. She sat up quickly and with a huge grin, inviting me to sit by her and enjoy breakfast in bed. Which we all preceded to do together and it was really a sweet fun memory.

Shortly after, Hannah wanted to watch her morning show and i went to have quiet time while she did so. And your gifts kept coming. i wanted to reread every sentence of the next lesson from Ecclesiastes and the coordinating commentary. i wished i could soak it in like lotion on dry skin because i was so parched to hear these words from you and they seem to come in abundance.

"He has made everything beautiful in its time." Eccl 3:11

Trust God's timing in your life. What is beautiful and good will come not a moment too soon, nor a moment too late, but according to His perfect timetable.

"Everyone should eat and drink and take pleasure in all his toil - this is God's gift to man. I perceived that whatever God does endures forever, nothing can be added to it, nor anything taken from it. God has done it, so that people fear before Him." Eccl. 3:13-14

All that is needed is that people know that God is neither arbitrary nor unjust in His ordering of events.

Enjoy life day by day. Ecc. 3:22

Enjoy life as God allows and enjoy the process as much as the product. Life is transitory and uncertain. Treasure the moments rather than the achievements, for they may not last.

Remain victorious through adversity.

Whoa. Amen. Thank you. Okay. I'll try. These were my thoughts after reading some of the above and more. I felt reminded that this is not about my understanding this clustered life but about obedience and faith in the God I am claiming as my own. That He knows. That He loves us and sees us. That HE will make EVERYTHING beautiful in its time and for NOW we MUST live into our days with each seemingly teeny victory. the fires and smorgasbords, the first breakfasts in bed, the sunshine appearing, the extra sleep.

I could go on and on, i feel like a kid at YL camp on a born again high or something. but i will tell about today in pictures. Sufficed to say, gently, reassuringly, God with the warmth of the sun and the beauty and creativity of his creation continued to ask me to enjoy what's before me and live into the day. we kept no schedule or routine or responsibility. we adventured and sabbathed.  And it was beautiful and refreshing as my dried up soul needed.