hustle and bustle are traditionally words that I might utter in any season and especially this one. yet this morning Thanksgiving was over and cyber Monday was on and I don't feel very caught up. When I actually live more presently the days speak so much more. and suddenly i see a pretty empty holiday calendar and yet for today I had peace and saw beauty. sometimes i don't recognize myself when i talk about myself because i thought i was a girl of mayhem and loving most every minute of it.

Yesterday our pastor shared how important endurance is to our faith. That at some point we chose to say YES to our life, the one we have been given.  That if we don't embrace endurance we embrace quitting. I can hardly type the words I dislike quitting so much (you can ask Hannah all the games i have already requested her to push through..oh boy). Endurance changes us. Endurance adds a great deal to our stories. And it matters to think for what we are enduring... what matters? with worn shoulders but puffy chests these ideas and questions fall much easier on Stephen and me now because we are living this. We are choosing not to resist but to have resolve. to endure, and ultimately, on our strongest days, we know what for... with all the she-power I like to hold, i know this time I am actually quite powerless and enduring for the sake of the journey we've been given. That we may know more of God. That we may bring more glory to Him in our decisions and comings and goings. So that we may live more consciously because we take so much less for granted. because we have finally gotten far enough out of all the ways we thought things would go that we run into change head on and strong, beside ourselves. we taste everyday a different mercy. mercy to live free and peaceful amidst a boatload of unknown.

as an update Stephen has been to multiple information interviews and then through 2 rounds of interviews with 2 different companies. One of them here in Seattle and one in Canada. Both could advance this week to another round. Stephen must endure even though everyday i know he must feel like quitting this dance. I am so beyond ready for this portion of our journey to be over. the journey of actual finding work and purpose or not in it for Stephen has felt like a particularly consuming part of much of the last decade. yet with all the questions of why what and where we must endure. we don't yet know our place.

the sun was out in all its splendor today and i could not look a direction without seeing snow-capped mountains that took my breath away with every glimpse. i have always been a water girl, and luckily we have that too but the mountains are really grabbing me these days. they are stunning, like i can't stare enough. and sometimes when i take advantage of the non hustle bustle life and spend an extra minute with this beauty it occurs to me how well God cares for his creation. That if the lilies of the field get their portion, then surely... surely...please let us stay God, please.