Softening a tight heart is no easy business. I've lived half my life this way so i would know. Two months ago I would have never guessed that this round of softening would be towards my man. Quite naturally I was falling into pretty set ways of operating after over a decade together. the things we began not to bother to bring up, and the things we brought up too often. the way we moved into life here all alone and even less connected than our last move, because here there was a sneaky layer of bitterness I wasn't totally aware of until i had time. time let it gain space and move up the rungs in my head. so i would say, we were in no space for crisis as a marriage. you know how you think they should really be spaced out to some optimum amount of time that you have caught your breath, been really nice and all sorts of good healthy intimacy and then you would be ready for another whammy. All that set up to say the first night i knew things were turning upside down again, i was thinking worse case scenarios.
Enter prayer on my behalf. Enter wisdom from my sister. Enter the Holy Spirit. Next thing I knew my heart was breaking for PH. Next thing I knew I admired him. Next thing I knew the boy had more gumption and strength than i had seen in years. Next thing i knew there wasn't an outfit that he could wear that i wasn't complimenting bc he looked so handsome to me.
So my thankfulness today, that this tight heart can be unwound by a mighty God who wants to breath life into a complacent marriage. who wants us loving bigger and deeper and differently. my thankfulness is for family and friends who go to God on our behalf and ask that we figure out how to keep loving and encouraging no matter the distance in-between whammies. my thankfulness today is that when that man walks in the door each day i feel more eager to serve and love him than i have in years, that my heart hurts knowing all that he is facing each day. I am thankful for new love for my PH and for the ability to actually go through this all together.