"The Lord shall fight for you and ye shall hold your peace." Exodus 14:14
the aches in my body weigh more when my heart battles in my chest through the night. it seems to be harder to rest when i am still holding out for control. for my plan to work. my plan really isn't that big, it isn't reaching for the stars, for pete's sake i have hardly been accused of being a dreamer. so why isn't this working? It seems so clear right now that you are stripping us down to the core. and you want our core, our hearts. our sold-out trusting hearts who believe with each breath that this life is very truly about walking with you, knowing you and hopefully bringing you glory through how we love and live. it is so so so so so much less about our comfort or goals. it is so much less about us attaining our little plans we so perfectly laid out. in fact, you want so much more for us than our mud pies, our limited finite dreams.
but the stretching and releasing to open to your plan feels like it might overwhelm me. i am not feeling strong enough this time. as my mom so wisely asked this week if God is calling us like Peter to walk towards Him on surfaces that seemingly cannot hold us. it feels foolish to believe we should walk toward HIM and to trust the surface. Equally it feels deathly not to.
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Cor. 12:8
He wants all of this weary heart. The thing i have to believe is that He wants it all in order to bring GOODNESS, not harm. hard to see or believe right now but their is nothing in this track record that would prove otherwise. My wise sister in law also sent encouragement about trust in provision and it resonates with me even amidst this shaky ground, i am quick to forget the only constant in my life has been my God, and that in the end that will still be true.
I need you, i need you, i need you. http://thelongingep.com/listen-3/ (take a listen to oh how i need you, it has been good for us the last few weeks)