the desire to swoop

HAO - "that's enough mom." Me - "Enough what?" HAO - "Huggin on me."

well excuse me miss thing. i can hardly help it. I have had to wake the girl up everyday from her nap, she is one worn out cookie or the gray must keep her down for long naps, and today she rolled over and i took advantage of being able to hug her. but clearly for too long. 

Other fabulous things she has recently told me are the likes of "you don't say that to me. you don't boss me around. i'm outta here. NO MAM. you are being disobedient." i half want to crack up and half want to pop her hinney. the thing is, that the more i have spent time with her, i realize she really doesn't totally get the systems. like we missed a step that explained that parents ARE actually the bosses and that's not being mean. it's been full of very tender and totally maddening moments to begin to convey how this whole gig works between parents and kids. that feisty talk-backing really doesn't bother me because i see she thinks she is so very tough until i see the total fall apart and i watch the ways her eyes search for affirmation and her cries scream to know we are okay again. (its quite familiar actually). Oh, Lord please fill my mouth up with all those right words. 

the other day this child physchologist was talking about not being a swoop in and rescue parent but being the parent to give your child all the tools in the world so that they may have healthy self esteem and know how to face hard situations. i know one day it will be far more significant than coaching her on how to jump in the mix with new kids or how not to be disappointed when others don't want to play with her. and if you are like me and already ready for when a kid really hurts your kids heart or body and you will then have to go kick their butt... i asked, so what's the line between not swooping but also being protective so they know you are, and she said - follow your gut, and always swoop if it actually includes danger or safety. When you can give them space to fend for themselves, do. 

i hear her right now singing a song to her dad, less than 1/4 of the words actually go with the song and she just makes up all the ones in between. she certainly has some strong creative genes, and i like to think the sing-song capability came from me, but to watch her paint or create random scenarios for the finger puppets is absolutely fantastic. 

since we have been here i have learned a lot about her. she has great vulnerability, she is brave and athletic, she is thoughtful, she can be a wee strong in her words and is picky, she LOVES to laugh and REALLY wants to make friends EVERYWHERE she can always telling me - "MOM, go ask that little girl her name." she tells me often that she misses her old friends, and even at random points will tell me who she is thinking about. she seems to understand so much more than i thought she would, and at the same time shows a resilency i love and a hope for more adventure.