ode to angels that flew in

an unusual gift for me is a calm mind and met expectations. because my head is loud and wrestles and my heart longs all day which makes it quite difficult to satisfy. two very special women traveled 3000 miles to bring me rest, peace, and a sense that I am not forgotten or alone. and i cannot forget joy. only the joy looked different. it was stiller, with less words. and it was so dang puffy beautiful.

i will only say this once and never again utter such insanity, but I already wonder if I will look back on this space in life fondly. Because wildly without all the strength of me to save the world, life is actually moving forward in totally new and unexpectedly lovely ways. contentedness comes in a much smaller package which is a lighter load for me.

like, without knowing it, i didn't need games and late nights and deep conversations and all sorts of other shenanigans i like to force on vacay with friends. i needed knowing company that would fall asleep on my sofa and rest in my house. that would instantly be at my side when i fell apart after church and had snot running all down my face.  that would read magazines and watch silly TV on my too tiny living space and sleep on the air mattress or the cold basement. that would celebrate every teeny bit of caramel pecan chocolate tart from a la mode. that would wait patiently for me as i went through a 20 minute "situation" with what felt like an uncalmable 4 year old. and they would receive my trial parenting style with compassion and wisdom, and for sure without judging, i needed that. i didn't know i needed that. until it happened and washed over me so refreshingly it was like shower after a sandy day at the beach. it got some grit off, it softened me again.

dear Kim and Laura, thank you for coming. thank you for the sacrifices you made to be here. you offered me a sweet taste of friendship i don't always know how to receive but felt a bit tireless to fight off this time. and in that i was really moved by your goodness and acceptance of me. i know for sure there aren't many you's in the world. and i really love ya and loved sharing my new city with you. i can't help but hope i can be your angel someday.