Hold everything with an open hand
Many gifts and many tribulations. This is life in Christ. If you want many gifts and no tribulations than following Jesus steadfastly will become increasingly difficult. I am so so struck by this paradigm in my life right now. How can you trust God and still have fear? How can life seem rich and poor at the same time? I am more aware of the richness now than when i had more of the worldly lot. Also, I am more aware of my tee tiny ness, and my love of assurance, stability. Very unfortunately, i repeat, it doesn't appear that God promises stability really ANYWHERE in his stories, but FAITHFULNESS yes. Allejuah. That's a gift.
I adore holidays. All who know the Wilson crew, know we are all about some celebrations. Because WHY NOT be? Seriously. So as i felt challenged this morning to realize that life is so full of both things - gifts and tribulations - I am going to put my armor on this month and practice gratitude. I feel like instead of this sense of defeat that i have entering this Thanksgiving season that each day further in November will feel like a day closer to despair or loss that this house will practice gratitude. together. each night at the table. we must i think, as it may be more valuable than the bread itself to guard our hearts and mind. I know we are 57 days away from what can turn my stomach in a second. Moving again, no jobs, no family growing, selling off as much as possible, WHO KNOWS? But i cannot spend this season fretting, it will take too much from me.and my man and my girl.
So, i ask for eyes to see the gifts of EVERYDAY. i ask to live without comparison as i was reminded that yes there will always be people around me with more... AND there will always be people with less. I ask also that as i recognize these gifts and feel the bubbling up of fear and anxiety which are most certainly haunting my house, that instead of giving them residence, that i hold all things with an open hand, gifts and fear, and offer them up to God.
It is true that right now I feel aware that following God's will and knowing Him more is exactly where I want to be and it is ALSO the exact place i don't think i can go. i don't, i really don't know how much wider i can open my hands. I really don't know either what it is that i am may be keeping with a closed fist? what am i keeping close to my chest, what else oh God should we release? Show us quick, pretty please, and by your mercy may we also receive gifts to sustain in between.