Many gifts and many tribulations. This is life in Christ. If you want many gifts and no tribulations than following Jesus steadfastly will become increasingly difficult. I am so so struck by this paradigm in my life right now. How can you trust God and still have fear? How can life seem rich and poor at the same time? I am more aware of the richness now than when i had more of the worldly lot. Also, I am more aware of my tee tiny ness, and my love of assurance, stability. Very unfortunately, i repeat, it doesn't appear that God promises stability really ANYWHERE in his stories, but FAITHFULNESS yes. Allejuah. That's a gift.
I adore holidays. All who know the Wilson crew, know we are all about some celebrations. Because WHY NOT be? Seriously. So as i felt challenged this morning to realize that life is so full of both things - gifts and tribulations - I am going to put my armor on this month and practice gratitude. I feel like instead of this sense of defeat that i have entering this Thanksgiving season that each day further in November will feel like a day closer to despair or loss that this house will practice gratitude. together. each night at the table. we must i think, as it may be more valuable than the bread itself to guard our hearts and mind. I know we are 57 days away from what can turn my stomach in a second. Moving again, no jobs, no family growing, selling off as much as possible, WHO KNOWS? But i cannot spend this season fretting, it will take too much from me.and my man and my girl.
So, i ask for eyes to see the gifts of EVERYDAY. i ask to live without comparison as i was reminded that yes there will always be people around me with more... AND there will always be people with less. I ask also that as i recognize these gifts and feel the bubbling up of fear and anxiety which are most certainly haunting my house, that instead of giving them residence, that i hold all things with an open hand, gifts and fear, and offer them up to God.
It is true that right now I feel aware that following God's will and knowing Him more is exactly where I want to be and it is ALSO the exact place i don't think i can go. i don't, i really don't know how much wider i can open my hands. I really don't know either what it is that i am may be keeping with a closed fist? what am i keeping close to my chest, what else oh God should we release? Show us quick, pretty please, and by your mercy may we also receive gifts to sustain in between.