we hit an new low today. the mall. by 9:45am, i had gone for a run, showered, done 2 loads of laundry, made smoothies, played two matching games, Spanish bingo, and done a puzzle. it was 51 degrees and raining. we had no one to call or calling us and no plans in our foreseeable future including the one plans we had for a playdate all week were canceled for the 2nd time. we had to get out of the house. i have had Nordstrom gift cards since my birthday, so off we went.
probably the most endearing part of the day is that i am trying to pump hannah up that it will be fun to walk through the mall and see what's there.. we enter and Hannah says, "oh mom, so pretty here." i want to cry and pick her up and kiss her for saying the most perfect thing at the best time. she also held my hand extra long and it really helped. THEN we find the indoor mall playground which is pretty much the last thing i want to do but hannah is beside herself so i find a starbucks get a coffee, ignore all the signs that say no drinks and sit while Hannah is on her mission again to find a friend. she finds the happiest little girl i have ever seen, who unfortunately speaks no English, and Hannah thinks she isn't answering her on purpose. fast-forward to a terrible lunch date with the two of us where hannah screams in the cafe and doesn't eat one thing and cries all the way home.
damn we are struggling. i cried today once i got home and put her down. i haven't cried much at all since i have been here, but i cried. it just feels like too much transition. leaving my work, my friends, my house, my family, my church. i actually really like this city, a lot of it seems to really fit us, even me, if i could just transport ONE friend, one of you, who else is crazy enough??
we are totally fine, this is where we should be. i don't waste time thinking through that. i just miss work. i miss the way i could talk to my friends and be a part of their lives. i miss my house and warm weather. i miss my parents. i miss phone calls and emails.
so, our little troop rallied in the evening. HAO woke up from nap and we practiced riding her new big girl bike. we watered plants (even though it has rained everyday this week), and once PH got home we went for a walk and found a new little restaurant where we came up with various uses for chopsticks. then i gave stephen a fashion show for the $$$ i dropped at Nordstrom whilst in despair. and he was gracious about it. we'll make it, but this one was rough to record.