Yesterday was make-up mother's day for me put on by the thoughtful and loving PH. It sort of speaks to that whole super high expectation thing I have going on, and I confess that having to provide celebrations for me is no walk in the park. And I am trying. I am attempting to learn about myself and why my need is so desperate that they be so over the top amazing. When I grow up, I'm wondering if i can let go of my need for super celebebrations a little or at least laugh it off when it doesn't work. BUT for now, I'm still adolescent when it comes to wanting my birthday, Christmas, vacation, and mothers' day to be basically earth shattering. It leaves PH with the small task of being a mind reader.

I agreed to the makeup mother's day in part because i wanted sleep and be irreresponsible pretty dang bad after the last few months. In short, I single-parented for approximately 35 days while packing up a house and caring for the bouncy temperaments of two children trying to navigate a mass transition. No probs. So...... it felt like one of those years that the day to be un-in-charge sounded pretty stellar. I actually find that mother's day can be a real bind. In part you really want this day where the kids are empathetic kind helpful humans with no boogers or poop cuddling with you, taking walks together, and eating all your favorite foods for a day. And on the other hand because you know that option A is nonexistent, than you want to find the few ways you can be fully indulgent ALONE. For example: sleeping in, going to the bathroom alone and uninterrupted, taking a shower alone and uninterrupted, going on a run, having a mimosa that makes you so relaxed that you sneak in a few pages of a book you have been trying to finish since your child turned 2 and then fall back asleep, and then the rest of the day doesn't matter as long as you get a full 12 hours not being the first line of defense. Is that super self indulged? Maybe. Does it also sound amazing? For me, right now, yes.

The bind comes in a few ways, one - the kids are confused because they assume mother's day includes them and don't know why you suddenly tell them to ask their father about everything. And two, im confused because i want to stare at them and love on them and being fully out of control gets awkward for everyone after about 4 hours so i start slowing inserting opinions when im not asked.

How lucky is my family? Ha. I love um. And shockingly it turns out with all my quirks and party hopes, they love me back.