It is 5:16am on Saturday morning and I am carefully cracking the door open to let Stephen out to the dark, cool morning and say goodbye. I'm beaming as much as a person can at that rude hour on a weekend, but I am SO for YOU. I tell him how lucky the people are that will get to meet him in the next 5 days. Mostly because I know that you will not only hear stories differently but you will tell them differently. And also I'm happy because I know you love this camp nestled in the Canadian mountains, so disconnected and so breathtakingly beautiful. I know it breaths the fresh air right into your lungs.

Last night as we packed way too late at night, I asked if I could tell you my thoughts, and as you always so kindly do, you said, yes please. I said, my prayer will be that as you reenter new relationships and opportunity and engagement with Young Life, I hope you allow yourself to start fresh in how you respond. Because that is what I think all the grit, loss, pain, shock and soul searching over the last five years offers - a different response. One I believe you found in the wee hours of the morning day after day when you were confused and angry and disappointed. One I believe you found when you begged God day after day to speak to you and tell you how to keep going, how to care for yourself and your family. You sat through many silent mornings. But some were loud. And they changed you.

As I tiptoed back upstairs and got back into bed, first I prayed the kids would sleep in an amazingly long time (that one didn't work btw), and then I prayed for a covering and resting over Stephen. He has always been able to respond with a lot of "right" answers. As two pastors kids, I believe a lot of ministry in early years of both of our life involved a lot more advice, a lot more scripture reciting, a lot more right sounding responses. And I believe they came from very real parts of our hearts. But today for the first time in a longtime as I lay there in bed I tasted this sweetness as I thought of Stephen and the heart and presence he offers now. He has felt humiliated, abandoned and frustrated and in that he has been as faithful to beg and pursue and know His God in ways all the right answers always talked about. And in that faithfulness, I believe a lot more than his head came to know of this God he spoke of as he has embodied hope against hope. And that has me just so THRILLED to see him head back out on some new paths and get the chance to be a presence and voice with others who may also be suffering and searching. All that being said, I closed my prayer with prayers for our little household that will miss him GREATLY. I wish I were there beside him but it just isn't our season to go together, so we'll be together in Spirit as I hope for you from here.