Listening to our bodies is such hard work. Stephen says I spend the first few days of every sickness denying I'm sick. And then i crash. And then I expect miraculous healing which turns into anger when the sickness is actually still there after 24 hours. I am now on my 7th day of feeling terrible. I have bronchitis. I don't like anyone, most especially myself. I do not heed my body well in weakness. I expect so much of it.

Honoring when my body needs rest, or when my body needs healing, or when it can't keep pushing is one of the hardest things in the world for me. I have a history putting all that my body is telling me aside and muscling through to prove something. What I proved is that I will continue to struggle to be kind to the world in these ways as well if I cannot begin with kindness and awareness of my own body. I get sick. That doesn't mean I'm a weak person. I've always put the two together for myself feeling horribly frustrated and aggravated at every sickness for years.

I think about the time when I was diagnosed with Crohn's. The night before I was in so much pain but kept pushing it aside because a group of friends I loved had long planned a night at the lake, so I went. And the next morning I went into the ER, I had to fight myself all morning because I was supposed to be showering up and heading over to my goddaughter's baptism. I was so mad at my body for betraying me when I needed it to keep going for these important events. And now I know, my body had actually been screaming for a long long unacknowledged time where I coped.

That story is a far bigger story for me than this week's bronchitis. But this week's bronchitis and my reaction to it reminds me how difficult it still is for me to stop and be kind to the very strong frame I have been given, and even harder that this frame matters and needs care. So, i repeat to myself - i get sick. It doesn't mean I'm a weak person. And even if I am weak for 7 whole days, I am still highly valuable and worthy. Greater worth I believe now will come from how I chose to treat myself and listen to myself when it needs rest. So, beginning with myself, I want to heed and bless when my body gets sick. Then I hope I return the same kindness to others when they need the space to listen and rest as well.