KEEPER

This morning God woke me up and told me to get up for that still time together. I poured a big cup of coffee and sat in the quiet with a Lenten book I have been reading and this was the first thing I read:

Psalm 121

1I look up to the mountains—

from where does my help come?

2My help comes from the LORD,

who made heaven and earth!

3He will not let you stumble;

the one who keeps you will not slumber.

4Behold, he who keeps Israel

never slumbers or sleeps.

5The LORD is your keeper!

The LORD stands beside you as your protective shade.

6The sun will not harm you by day,

nor the moon at night.

7The lord will keep you from all evil;

and will keep your life.

8The LORD will keep your going out and your coming,

both now and forever.

And I took a long warm comforting sip and thought, oh my goodness. My help comes from YOU, MAKER of HEAVEN and EARTH. Not nutella or Downton or running or my own guts or wit or know how or whatever, while temporarily good & pleasing, MY HELP comes from my faithful KEEPER.  And if I am to actually BELIEVE in this KEEPER, I cannot forfeit my trust when the keeping feels unsatisfactory to me. In fact, it has OFTEN felt unsatisfactory to trust goodness in the last few years, I do not actually feel protected from all evil.  I have been eager to muster my own strength and mend, but the tireless provision and presence even though it hasn't looked like what I requested, has been tangible. It has been painful and lonely and long and seemingly illogical, but I believe my keeper has seen me and is holding me in my strife and loss and confusion and grief. I would have changed SO much of the keeping.  But still I believe my coming and going is seen, and it is time I actually attempt rest, because it is not all mine to mend. 

Thank you LORD for giving me the quiet and these words this morning.

(and friends, i cannot wait to tell you what happened the rest of the day, it is sweet! that is for tomorrow)