I am looking out the airplane window at the wings with great intention. I have convinced myself that this is the time where I will have to use my exit lane prowess because our plane is going to go down in the water. I can just feel it. I have already read the information on how to pull out the door and the slide happens automatically. The power flicked off and on on the plane and I was making my mind up something was going to happen.

3 chapters and a little snooze later I hear the announcement that we are beginning our descent into the Seattle area. Still a strong chance to land in water I think, but i laugh at myself, and before I know it we are bouncing on the runway.

I was so ready to see my people, and especially because Hannah decided this was her time to quit sucking her thumb. Over the last few years, there has been a lot of encouragement from us and from her dentist, and I was beginning to wonder if she would just settle for buck teeth for the chance to keep this habit. Her accompanying lovey, Monkey, head fell off a couple years back and his arms are without stuffing and dangling. It was surely time. I haven’t wanted to push it because there was so much I understood about her need for this soothing. For 6 years, monkey and her thumb have been a really happy consistent place. She was caring for herself in many ways, so in some ways it felt ridiculous to encourage it to stop. Four houses in four years amidst truckloads of grief, I want to suck my thumb too. So I understand sweetie.

Tonight after we finished our prayers, she was so restless. Her body wasn’t sure how to rest with the new plan. I told her to close her eyes and think through her day or talk to God. She wasn’t having it. In fact, she said to me with incredulity, “i’m only on my 2nd night of breaking a habit mom you think i can just close my eyes and sleep?” I smiled. Right you are brave girl. Breaking habits is no easy gig. The carrying on last for another 10-15 minutes of tossing and restlessness and whining and “can I just have my thumb for one minute?” I understand.

I wrapped my arm around her and held her hand even though i really wanted to say, sure, go ahead. I recognized that in that moment I wanted comfort for her more than i wanted health for her mouth and sleep. And that we are at the beginning of a lifetime of moments like this of wanting to encourage healthy ways to care for ourselves and to rid ourselves of the oh so attractive but unhelpful soothing we will want in the course of a lifetime. So, i stare at her and scratch her back and I think, please Lord, let her be able to do this. A few minutes later, her breath deepens and I realize as much as I wanted to throw a lifeline, she can do it.

For each day we need a great deal of courage. For the dark plane rides and the release of a 6 year habit, we find ourselves again in all of these moments. Much truth is revealed in the middle of pain as well as once we realized we have survived. I am so proud to see her strength and determination. You can do it sweet girl! Cheers to day 3!