everything can be managed, except the heart

it's Monday morning. through the open windows I hear the wind crashing making the rain sound heavier and chilly June air billows into the house. Music plays waking up my heart and water boils for my egg as my stomach growls. Too much coffee already and its only 8am. My egg might be burning actually... hold.  

it's one of those days that i know the battle is on between my heart and mind. the war against stillness and peace lambasted by weighty responsibility, undone conversations, unending unknown. i picture myself pushing out the bricks as fast as the wall is being built that I don't want to separate out this heart, i don't want anything to block me from your voice, from Truth.  I am repeating what you have given me in my head to avoid the wall getting any taller where I move forward busy, worried, confused. 

i think about the nourishment going on right in front of my eyes as the grass gets greener and greener, the flowers more and more open and this year's vegetables appear from the ground. And I realize how well cared for I am, in ways not always appreciated, I too am nourished. I continue to receive daily bread. And as I remember hope springs back up in my heart. the weeks seems less daunting. 

last night my girl's mind was spinning too. she couldn't sleep and finally she asked me, "do you think anyone's going to like me?" she begins a vbs camp this morning. i quit being busy and aggravated that she isn't asleep and I look straight into her eyes and repeat Truth to her. And I walk out of her room wanting to cry.  All the new rooms and faces and roads and homes she has been into the last year, goodness me. And I realize how brave she is and i want to run back into her room and hold her, save her somehow. And I wake up with thoughts of her littering my mind, and I beg God to help me believe everything I told her. That I'll believe that God is humongous for her. Without me. That she is lovable, that she is fun, that she is kind, that she is creative, that she wants to learn - that she'll be a great friend.  And that I can't save her or protect her but that I will beg and hope that God's love to cover her. Again. Already.