mind space

Few things on my mind this week: Confession, Digging Deep, Self-confidence, and naturally, So You Think You Can Dance. I’m thankful again for this week because I like it when thoughts stick, it makes me feel like maybe there was space for them this time. When things show up multiple times on my mind, it makes me wander if I am actually learning. Small group finished Life Together this week, which was a very challenging book on many levels. Beginning with the fact that I had to reread every sentence for the first two chapters (hate that, simple language people), but mostly that throughout Bonhoeffer discussed pictures of life together that sound real good and make you want to contemplate their reality in your life. For example, I do not have 7 prayer times and 5 song offerings each day, I always try to crowd solitude, prayer takes patience, and I’m positive I do not have the ministry of holding one’s tongue. However, I am encouraged that these foundational pieces to life with Christ – I do long for space for prayer, meditation, scripture, worship, community meal, ministry of bearing and helpfulness, and finally confession. I was really moved by his description that we don’t have full fellowship until we have fellowship as sinners.It’s the “final breakthough of fellowship, the liberation through truth, profoundest kind of humiliation, and the misery of the sinner and the mercy of God lead to the truth of the gospel of Jesus Christ." Wow. I have so much pride, can I do confession with my sisters? can I trust others for grace? Stephen has been digging deep this week. In the midst of the beautiful ugly season we are in that regularly results in much tiredness, he is rallying for me right now. As much as he finds the way my family can extend celebrations to days and weeks, he is humoring that and celebrating 9 days up to 9 years. So for the 9 days leading up to our 9th anniversary which comes up next week, he is giving me a gift that serves as a memory for that year of marriage. For example, today, he left early for what I thought was work but returned 20 minutes later with a latte. Year 3 was Portland. Portland involved many many coffees. I love it. Thank you. I’m thinking I must choose self-confidence. Not to be confident or prideful. But to choose to feel okay about me in the many many ways that I could feel less than. I have had this sense this week that all the self loathing and regret are really not helpful and I must be brave. Braver to like me, braver to step out and try things. So I’m thinking about the good kind of self-confidence, if there is one, I’m thinking about it. But don’t hold me to it, it has just seemed like a good fit this week. And finally, thank heavens that Fox cares about me during the summer, because I have actually had to READ the last few weeks. are there any good summer programs? i traditionally don't watch the SYTYCD auditions because i don't like to bond prematurely but i have been on since the beginning and i am curious of how the season will turn out!!! and i owe pics, i know. will upload camera tomorrow.