fight like a girl

that is one of my favorite slogans from the breast cancer campaigns. and here i am now, entering into a new fight and you betta believe I'll fight like a girl. (: last night i found myself in the tub with most of my clothes still on. my abdominal pain was so intense i just got in hoping i would be able to relax but barely had the energy to deal with clothes. if i think too much i can get real down wondering all the what -if's of life to come with my new diagnosis of crohn's disease. i am trying so hard to know that bright comfortable days are ahead, i just need to do some healing right now. i checked into the ER Sunday and was admitted to the hospital that evening for a 3 night stay. felt like a year. who on earth intentionally gets into a line of medicine called gastronology? its horrible. every conversation is embarrassing and every procedure gross. I still wince at the thought of me chugging mr. golytely, the grass tasting colon cleanser that preps folks for a colonoscopy. i appreciate that my brother told me that now that officially makes me an old man and that a girlfriend told me to pretend i was at a spa b/c people now pay to have that magic juice. i don't understand. my fellow crohn's man, my brother-in-law, sent me an email with the subject line that says "bad ass". i laugh everytime i think of it, it was medicinal to me. and it helps me keep perspective that this is a hard diagnosis and i am currently in a very painful time, but that this isn't the end of the world. this is a manageable disease, one i can learn how to care for myself well and potentially feel better than i have felt in years.  and i have more motivation than i have ever had to take care of me, b/c i want so badly to always be strong enough to play with hannah and hopefully someday with her sibling. so the fight is on, i am a little down right now trying to get through this pain, but i hope to grow in this pain. thanks to everyone for the way family and community has rallied around my little family during this last week. it's pretty awesome to get sweet glimpses of kingdom of God on earth. thank you.