seat at the table
i crept outside in the tall hard but plush Florida grass and stole some alone time without an agenda. i began to journal and found it was so hard to write. i couldn't connect to myself because i had been moving so fast with so much on my mind that i was unknown to even myself. so I started by saying "Hey me, how are ya?" everyone is busy, i am not acting more than that, i just seem to go in waves where the agenda between work- home- family- church and friends is so full that there aren't moments where one of those areas doesn't occupy my mind. poor God He wasn't even on that list. oh but He is, He so is. The thing is that it actually feels this has been a good season. some of the kinks of dual life are getting worked out. it's just that dual life is full life and every once in a while i am reevaluating what gives... aren't we all?
life is rich i think. the richness is complicated it seems but i think i still prefer rich to unrich (since that's a word and all). and the real sweet thing about this phase in life for me is that i do feel the ability to soak in moments and those soaks give me strength for the rest of the moments. some really great things have been happening at work. i feel energized and capable with the challenges instead of anxious or afraid. i am enjoying learning teamwork and my mind is always doing overtime who/where i really want to be as a businesswoman. i heard a fantastic speaker who happens to direct the woman & public policy program at harvard (wow, so dreamy) and the title was "a woman at the table: a better feast for all". (can i get an amen?) that was over a month ago and very few ideas she spoke have i forgotten, and i have even taken some brave steps to go after some seats at tables I want to be a part of and trying to have faith that i will have something to contribute there. more to be done and i am balancing the ever so tightrope of allowing myself to dream and staying in touch with reality. (sorry mom, there is a reality).
i find myself elated as i watch hannah grow into a tiny person. i am hardly able to contain myself for all that she is beginning to absorb and discover. she brings so much joy to this home. she is crawling all over the place and she has 6 teeth already. she giggles and sometimes smiles so big you think her cheeks might dissapear. one of the hardest jobs i ever knew was the breastaruant and we are finally beginning to limit the hours of operation. who knew such an operation could occupy so much brain space, planning, and physical energy. almostoverit.com. it has been joyous and we are not closing, but just considering that the closet pumps may have an end in sight while hopefully the morning and evening hours can be maintained. my wise mom says it has to be good for mom and daughter to be worth the fight and if your quality of life is declining with it than it isn't helping hannah for you to always push through. hmm.
more pics soon, i promise, stephen has the downloader thing at work. miss you whoever on earth still finds it worthwhile to check this blog since i am hardly fulfilling the updating role. (: