why am i so bad at blogging on the hard weeks... urgh. if that is the case my entries may come to quite a lull b/c life is still life. how aggravating. i think i am in a pruning season. which actually, while painful and itchy, is good. i needed the reminder of God's nearness, His desire to mold and shape us, a BIG reminder of purpose. hello, we aren't on this earth just for me? there are a few tricky parts to shape time. one, it makes you realize how much we all just operate. how mostly disconnected on a daily basis we are to our real purpose. so dang distracted i am, we are, i think. we'll i'll just speak for myself but sometimes in this phase you get a wake up call to everything around you, which is especially annoying b/c it was all fine yesterday, why do i have to be more aware today. i am reading this book that suggests that spiritual life is in essence what i am speaking of - it is about transformation. "If you are weary of some sleepy form of devotion, probably God is as weary of it as you are." (Frank Laubach) i am weary. so bring on this molding b/c i feel ready for more life. "If we cannot be transformed we end up being either informed or conformed." (John Ortberg) Even at church the other week, our pastor telling the parable of the seeds (i am sure it is called smthg more sophisticated), spoke boldly and said, "be in or be out" if you are dropping seed on the rocks or if you are entangled by the thorns - don't wait til there are no thorns, face them, discover them and fight them. and for heck's sake why waste time dropping seed on rocks where it will absolutely never grow. i do that. and i am entangled. and i waste time on rocky soil. So after a week or two of some rough discussion and some obvious warfare in my household for both Stephen and I, God is speaking some words to me that i need to wrap myself up in. Balance and Humility. that's where i'll start for now, not as if i could totally perfect these things but to at least try. i got to stay actively alive not just operational. so i am overly quotey on this entry but to end with a quote that i loved the first line and felt challenged to see and be pieces of heaven now.not then. "Earth's crammed with Heaven, and every common bush afire with God, But only they who sees takes off their shoes - the rest sit round it and pluck blackberries." (elizabeth barrett browning)