there are days i want to ignore. days i am so restless, so unproud, that i mentally delete them from the collection. her tiny but wonderfully dimpled and chunky thighs were hugged by the jumperoo seat and her feet dangled in their pink infant type uggs.

it was so cute a sight that i could barely hold on to the steam seeping from my ears. how can you stay frustrated with these minatures? i should have known from the first feeding this day was going to be a do-over. went to church late, without starbucks, and a half cooked jimmy dean egg sandwhich hoping to be spiritualy awoken and revived amidst the dryness and exhaustion of my heart. HA. we made it about 20 minutes and we were back in the car headed home. she was in the perfect Tarheel outfit, her first pair of tights, i had showered, and dried my hair and put on makeup, i had timed the feeding perfectly.... except she had different plans. those plans included not eating and doing as many backbends as a 4 month can do while wailing wilding in the air. hmm. in front of the infant room workers who i had just told that i would "feed her real quick and then you'll have a happy alert baby". wonder what they said when i left.

it also didn't help that the infant room volunteer was a lovely blonde who just happened to mention that Oh.. my daughter is 4 months also (and there she was perfectly playing and smiling up at me). nevermind that she was like pencil-thin which is always rude to point out that we have baby's the exact same age and we will ignore that i am still sporting the spare tire around my midsection. and last and seemingly insignifcant.. unless you have known me and watched any movie with me or been over to the house past 8pm in the last 6 years, i cannot find my beloved blue sweatpants. the soft, perfectly unshapely, paint stained and torn on the ankles wonderful blue sweatpants are missing. i am sad, my nights are less than, it is less rewarding to take the suit and heels off and not have these to hug and relax the body. so I'll close without moaning but with my fav parts of the benediction from the inauguration. i need to repeat lines like these more often until i can really allow my soul to soak them up. "God of our weary years, god of our silent tears, thou, who has brought us thus far along the way, thou, who has by thy might led us into the light, keep us forever in the path we pray, lest our feet stray from the places, our god, where we met thee, lest our hearts, drunk with the wine of the world, we forget thee. Shadowed beneath thy hand, may we forever stand true to thee, oh God, and true to our native land. But because we know you got the whole world in your hands, we pray for not only our nation, but for the community of nations. Our faith does not shrink though pressed by the flood of mortal ills. help us to hold on to the spirit of fellowship and the oneness of our family. Let us take that power back to our homes, our workplaces, our churches, our temples, our mosques, or wherever we seek your will. With your hands of power and your heart of love, help us then, now, Lord, to work for that day when nations shall not lift up sword against nation..when justice will roll down like waters and righteousness as a mighty stream That all those who do justice and love mercy say Amen." Rev. Joseph Lowry