oh i miss writing. actually i miss being able to follow my thoughts for longer than a minute and half. so many firsts and i want to recount them all. i have this insane need to bottle up every experience b/c i feel so aware all of this flies by. this life is good. this tiny human changes me without me figuring it out. like suddenly i worry about myself getting in a car wreck or getting mugged in my neighborhood (i do realize that most worry about these things always and that is healthy) or i realize my outfit hasn't matched in days and my eyebrows are so out of control. i feel so significant to this baby that it makes me want to be so much for her. two things people ask me a lot recently - how is stephen and do you still think about adoption, oh, and do i still want to go back to work? Stephen has continued to be the partner of my dreams, we swap strengths with her and he takes good care of me too. He iniitates a great balance of nuturing our marriage and learning our new family member. i have never quit thinking about adoption. my heart desires so much to provide a home for an orphan. i sort of want to bring Juan Caleb (this is our joke name for our dream boy from Peru) home to play with Hannah v soon. I will have to be so patient to get our hearts and heads back in that journey and in fact we do have to talk to the agency in the next two months to let them know our thoughts. I need to prayerful to be wise on timing and place, etc. I so still dream of little o. and yes, i do still want to go back to work. there will be probably many entries on this as i begin to process this divided self more close to reality. I have been asking myself all the time recently what is life-giving to me? what relatioships energize me, what work lights me up, and what moves my heart? what places in life am i living purposefully? i hear answers for the home and the world outside. i have to include a few pics of great firsts below:

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what a wonderfully rich life she has, aren't these first so FUN! Believe it or not i am restraining myself from posting more like first election, first touch of sand, first time in mountains....