victim but not agent. these words keep rolling through my head that my parents and i discussed yesterday. how can you be a victim of some wrong treatment and make sure that you are not an agent of transferring that pain to someone else? its tough. especially when we operate so fast it is difficult to be thoughtful in between. anxiety with its powerful grip has revisited me. especially during the hours of 6:30am-6pm. this morning while reading Spiritual Direction I think God was trying to do a little rewiring for me - he was trying to catch me in the space between and say to me that what matters here in Jesus's eyes is radically different from most of the rest of the world. God is interested in my response amidst the struggle. He is interested that I see people, pass kindness and trust in His provision now. Hmmm. too bad i am sort of in the kick-butt-take-names frame of mind, i want a little earthly justice. radically different.