i moved the carrot peels and soggy bread out of my way to get to the pile in the sink. the warmth of the water and the progress from scrubbing made the chore oddly comforting. but i kept thinking, "Lord if we get another no, if this one isn't it, what then will I think of you? Will i still sing your praises? Will i still trust your provisions?"
i wake up early and peek past the blinds to see that the sun is up and out. my phone tells me its 39 degrees and in the 6:00 hour but my body says get out there. so i lace up and run around the water with the early sun, the quiet paths, the fresh faces, and my song (Oceans) on repeat. the strength of my legs warm me and all the bright new colors and blooms fill my heart with a feeling of new . i am on the last leg of the run when i catch a glimpse of the snow capped Mt. Baker in all its glory. Its incredible and I have never seen this view of it because I guess I have never looked over at that point. it chokes me up, your creation so powerful. and without restraint i hope today is a very good day, that things change .
oddly in the very same breath I am starting to wonder how it will all feel when we know. when one piece of this undoneness is put back together will i still know how reliant I am on you? Will i go back to complacency or self trust? Will i make time to be with you and hear from you when i am not quite as desperate? I hope so. Please God help us remember that our need for you is most certainly not tied to these particularly confusing circumstances, our need for you is steady and everlasting. I believe You want to speak to us not only in circumstantial hell but each day. That will be new to me to call out when it isn't just for survival.
So I engage this day where the sun decided to show off your beauty and Im ready for new circumstances for sure, and afraid at the same time. Lead us gently Lord.