EMOTIONAL IRONMAN

the window is frosted and Hannah has practiced writing her name in the dew. the sun is trying to rise behind the puffy white clouds to tell us its a new day. As Hannah drinks warm milk and watches Curious George, I sneak away for the time to be read scripture and pray.

i realize this morning that i am living appreciation for God's generous gift of Jesus to the world as a human. Much of what is serving as wisdom, peace, and fuel for our days is coming from stories of Jesus's life and the encouragement and instruction he offered. So here i am potentially trying to over think advent and wanting so badly new insight for His birthday party this year. That's when i realize He has been giving us a lot more than the 12 days of Christmas as we have pretty desperately pursued His words and life for guidance at the close of 2012. My anticipation grows.

PH went for his final round of interviews for the job we really really want him to get yesterday. It feels so down to the wire. my prayers for swiftness feeling ignored, my ability to endure feeling challenged. I hear PH's voice as he leaves, i see his eyes grey and weary, he is not walking so tall, the interview outfit feeling less perfect than the seemingly 900 times he has had to sport it over the last year. i hugged and prayed as he left giving what felt like the very last drop of authentic encouragement i had in me and then cried in my hands as his car started up to head for the interview. it feels awful to need anything this badly.

we have been joking this week that we feel we are the final leg of an emotional ironman. this last leg, this final mile makes all that seemed bright and cheery in the beginning blurry. all the training and practice can get us across the line, yet its nearly impossible to remember all the right tips as finishing becomes more significant than journeying. because we want so so much for this particular race to be over. we know more will come, fine but we are at the point of pleading that this one end. and all the while our greatest fear is that as soon as this interview ends today, that they'll call with bad news and we will be staring down another ironman only hours after completing the first.

we don't know if we'll hear today or next week but we are hoping and stretching our bodies as much as they will go that this will be the last leg for now.