i knew you'd think I was beautiful.

"I wanna be older!" Hannah exclaimed as she walked down the stairs for the 3rd time that night so bummed that she couldn't stay up late like the adults. I laughed and smiled, imagining myself 30 years ago having the same sentiments. not wanting to miss out on the action. who am i kidding, that is still me.

she is growing up so fast for me. i want to record everything to my memory, sometimes i find myself taking notes on my iphone so i don't forget the great things she says. Including the following from  this morning as she discovered a hidden gift that i had for amy. She says mom, "santa brings the gifts not you." i kid you not, i had not even remembered Santa until that moment. i forgot our daughter was 4 and full of imagination and being stuffed chock full of images and ideas about Christmas. and i'm not anti-St.Nick by any means, i literally forgot. so i quickly try to recover while making a mental note to myself to hide all the gifts, and let her know that Santa brings many many of the special gifts and we draw names to give gifts to one another as well. Oops.

recently her spirit has been a HUGE gift to us. this past weekend PH and i found ourselves in the midst of such adult heaviness shaking off weight as we watched Hannah pretend she was a butterfly or wanting to learn jingle bells or letting us know that sometimes monkey (her favorite blanket) is a real monkey. she also insisted on wearing princess wedge shoes to pick out the Christmas tree.  i think our favorite moment was when she rediscovered a long pink dress-up gown. I returned from the store to find her grinning from ear to ear and I said, "Hannah, you are the loveliest girl in all the land. what a fabulous dress." She said back to me, "i knew you'd say that mom. i knew you'd think i was beautiful." sob, laugh, smile. PH, also grinning, loved watching her twirl and twirl and taking delight in herself. she encouraged us to stop in our tracks and absorb delight. and that's the thing, over and over recently she pauses all this seriousness and draws us into pleasure and delight. she reminds us of discovery, curiosity, beauty, play, and God's provision in so many forms.Thank you sweet Hannah Mia, your life teaches us.