i'm prepping for our last day in Vancouver. its rough. it took me a long time to calm down and this much time in a row off work is pretty wild. mentally, i'm already back at work because my anxiety is flaring for all that needs to get done. emotionally i am trying to take deep breaths because i don't want to think about waking up Tuesday and leaving before Hannah wakes to start a 10 hour day away from her. I don't want to think about not seeing Sadie. or going for a run with Stephen or lounging around with Amy. how blessed we've been for this little slice of time. a rich slice mixed with totall remarkable experiences like Mayne Island, Stanley Park, the Vancouver Aquarium, Granville Island, Prado's muffins, Commercial Drive Italian Day, Canucks winning games in the Stanley Cup, the ooey gooey cinanmon rolls, picnics at Kitsalino beach, seeing Sadie's first steps, Hannah's first bus ride, etc. etc. etc. and the very everday things like naps, breakdowns, cleaning dishes, email, money stress, etc.

so i don't totally know how to process this time right now or all that was meant to be out of this special treat of time. i often learn in hindsight. I know while i have been here I have been thinking a lot about a gratitude. my father-in-law gave me a book, a thousand gifts, that is beatifullly written with very gritty ideas for me during this particular space in my life. ideas about a disposition of gratitude during the empty and the full. the idea of naming gifts everyday. whether they be big or small... so naming the gift of perculating coffee to the feeling of a daughter reaching for my hand or stephen's lips meeting my every night as my final memory of each day. i have been writing them down but more important than that, it's the training, the practice of thankfulness, or viewing the gifts with new eyes and therefore entering days with a softening for me. being here, it's easy to think of gifts. i want to return home the same life of gracias. actually there is a lot i want to return home and do and be (as always lady with great expectations) but anywho, i'm thinking about practicing this gratitude gig as these season of thickness continues. trying not to focus too much on the fact that tomorrow is the last day of this dreamy slice of time but of all that i saw and did and tasted while i was here and who I got to do that with each day. hmm. it was so rich. Gracias. muchas gracias.