About 20 tweens were dressed in sparkly black pants and red jerseys when the lights went up. I quickly spotted one of the tallest girls in the back. My heart did a little flip and I tried to keep my cool. But I didn't. Elise James, or E or EJ, was up there on stage absolutely knockin it out to a hip hop routine. And all i could picture was this long-legged, pale skinned, peach fuzzed head of a baby that I used to love to hold. She was about 3 months old when I met her parents and I have seen her do MANY many singing and dancing routines since then. But none like this, on a real stage with her grown up self. Better than champagne toasts was this feeling of celebration and right place that I got while watching her on stage.

And this connects to yesterday's post on Grub Club - E is GC member #13. The first friday dinners began with a 3 small babies and has grown by 10 more amazing miniatures. And the reason I write is not in anyway to boast of my special group but more to honor what I have come to learn in the last five years after leaving these dear bigs and smalls. We all need each other. In the world at large, yes, but even more so in the world in the day in and day out. Life witnessed creates this depth and texture that is so very sweet.

Ive been prideful to mask my need to belong, regularly, deeply and with delight. No one wants to name need and also it is very very hard to have your heart met well in this world. To add fun on top of a well met heart is like Disneyland but not fantasy. You know what I mean? My pasts speaks to how I either had my expectations so high that most in my life were set up to fail from the start. Or I puffed my chest and garnered all the independence I could to not need too badly, to not inconvenience anyone too much or want their company too often. In fact, where I have experienced a part of culture that says that needing is weak or asking for so much of people is too much, I actually think our need is what makes us human. And sharing that humanity with one another makes us all feel so much stronger in the world to get out there and do all the other badassery we have to get up too.

My friend didn't ask me to come watch her girls today. But Hannah and I knew we wanted to be there. When we arrived another good friend and her daughter were there too, and my heart smiled. I wondered what it meant to my friend to have others see her daughter grow up, to watch her daughter knock out her dance routine and glow. I wondered what it felt like to her daughters to have two extra Aunts and friends in the crowd cheering them. Its tiny, and its huge. And I wonder if we could all risk confessing our need more often as well as showing up unasked more often.