I pulled them both in so close to me I could smell the sugar from the donuts we ate on the way to the airport. Hannah chose Cuckoo for Coconut and Mateo ate his normal Raspberry Riot, and I had the French Toast for our final round of Mighty O donuts. I could hardly believe we made it to this moment. The three of us had been through some yo yo days as we packed and loaded and cleaned, and then lived out of different houses and cars for our final weeks in Seattle. It had been 35 days since Stephen departed for his new job in Charlotte, and in the 16 years I have been married to him I have NEVER spent that many nights a part. As I sat in between my kids I felt overwelmed with a sense of accomplishment and significance. I considered even throwing my fists in the air and shouting, "WOHOO!" Not because we were leaving but because we found our way with each other through a very complex season.

Hannah and I had many talks of what leaving well looks like. Most days she far preferred just to get on the plane and go, she was SO done with the space in between. I get it. And yet when I saw her in her 2nd grade classroom, I saw the way her teacher and the kids appreciated and enjoyed her. I knew it would catch up with her the bigness of all she was leaving. Laughing and making others laugh is really the desire of her heart at most times, and yet she is also very serious and aware. Her unique complexity made the days that were not funny at all very defeating and I watched her struggle with frustration, sadness and the body ailments that come with stress. It hurt me to see her trying to figure it all out and to know that some of the pain was unavoidable - we were leaving beauty. I had to let her feel it to leave well. Many of nights we slept in the same bed and I felt such simple goodness in what the nearness of our bodies could offer one another in comfort and stability amidst so much change.

And for my little buddy, I have been in awe. That his little body has endured the confusion of a dad gone for endless days when time makes no sense other than its too long. When you are driving different cars and staying in different houses and still you smile, and sing and sleep - oh my gosh you are an incredible small person I am cherished to watch grow. I am learning so much from you. And when you break down, you really really really break down, and its hard for me to be as big as I need to be in those moments, but when I can, and when I do, i am so dang glad that all you really want to do is curl in as close and tight to my body that life can feel remotely safe and known. I hear you buddy. I get it. You are incredible and resilient and teaching me.

We did it wee ones. We endured some rough days, but I know you better know. I know myself more. I see that you actually caring for one another more. As the days carried on, I saw that your hearts too were drawn to one another, that you were holding each other more, and looking out for each other more - like you knew - we need each other the most. Thank you for teaching me so much and growing my heart for you in new ways. We made it to Charlotte and I love you more.