I regret I did not take the time to sit yesterday. The day ran me. It has been so hard to carve out time to sit and think and be during this Lenten challenge. I have not made a perfect 40 days but pretty darn close and enough that it has really impacted my processing. I am so thankful to for the space, to breath, to talk to God and to live outloud. It is a season that has threatened so much isolation, dissociation, and angst that I am very grateful to battle as best I can in this season by staying alive and in community.
And here we are on the holding day. The day in between - or at least we know that to be true. The depth of pain everyone must have felt on this day two thousand years ago, the torture and trauma they were first hand witnesses for in the cross. It must have been a day on the ground in agony, in misunderstanding, in fear, in sadness, in longing. What mayhem that many of the witnesses were those in disbelief and hate, along with courageous woman like Mary and Mary Magdalene who deeply loved and believed Jesus.
I am grateful to know that tomorrow comes and changes the whole story. I can sit in this day and wait with eager anticipation for the celebration of tomorrow. However, I really feel much of life is like Holy Saturday. I resonate with all the potential feelings of those who loved Jesus and were laid out. I spend more time than I imagined in my journey confused, disheartened, longing, waiting, and sad. The in-between feels like a lot more than 24 hours it feels like months and years sometimes when I am waiting for God to reveal himself in something. For God to show up in ways we can see, touch, understand - ways that give us our breath back, that let us exhale. But LOTS of life happens in the in-between. A lot of change happens. A lot of growth, lots of guts are shown. The thing is, I wouldn't know God the same without the in-between, the waiting, the angst. My need for a Savior and a Presence changes in the waiting. So, for that reason, I will embrace my portion of the unanswered grueling time in between to know with more depth and intimacy the character, the love, and the hope of Jesus.
I hope tomorrow is a sweet celebration for us all.
Teo's first Easter Egg hunt!