“Hello, sun in my face. Hello you who made the morning and spread it over the fields...Watch, now, how I start the day in happiness, in kindness.” Mary Oliver

"Listen--are you breathing just a little, and calling it a life?” Mary Oliver

i have a new love and it is Mary Oliver. When i was younger I always read poetry and spent years that followed writing the quirkiest and often the darkest of poems. It was the way i found I could share dark or sad without anyone knowing exactly what I was saying in a world where I thought growing up Christian meant happy. Not that there wasn't great joy to share as well, but I do believe we lacked the space to explore the other.

Anywho, for my birthday I believe i will give myself some Mary Oliver and Wendell Berry and remind myself of rich imagery and poetry that i love. From the above quotes, I feel closest today to the... are you just breathing just a little, and calling it a life? how insightful and hopeful to desire deep long breaths and big full life. each day. this is my song for the year. living now, in the midst, with whatever may be. and truthfully it has felt rich.

we have been exploring each weekend since the new year. taking hikes, walks, lingering at the coffee shops, and trying new recipes for the first time in a long time. this morning Hannah woke me as she nudged her way into the covers and her busy mind exploded into words right away..." momma, you see sonya this and haling this and this is kinda of sassy and makes me annoyed...etc. etc." And she began to use her hands as she became more emphatic about what she was saying and in my effort to repeat ideas to her of kindness, slowness to speak, second chances, she tells me again, mom, i already know all that. And i laugh inside and realize that this time is just a beautiful moment where she wants to share. and be heard or known. we are having like girl talk. and i think i've died and gone to heaven. minus the fact that I don't have all the right things to say about secrets and sassy friends, i am so thrilled to be invited into her busy mind. and i thank God I stayed in bed extra minutes.

its all the little things like that these days that i find richness. the times when i read by the fire instead of turning on the tv, or take 20 minutes away from my phone, listen five minutes longer about Stephen's day, or make sure that dinner is set with pretty plates and that we enjoy what we are gifted to taste in front of us and serve juice in a champagne glass (Hannah thought that was splendid, and why not?). it is the day I let myself feel the sun on my face even in 30 degrees because for peet sake its Seattle and the sun is out. its not just breathing, its being in the breath.

thank you Mary Oliver for your words, your reminders and your inspiration.