“i do know… how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields” mary oliver

That line is so perfect for summer, where we get the chance to be idle and blessed. This morning I am reflecting on where we have been this summer. This is the longest summer likely I’ll ever have with the children. We started summer in mid May when we made our move across country. At the dinner table last night we were all sharing favorite memories of the summer and things we got to do and our summer included a LOT; Here is some of what we recollected - cross country move, 3 camps for Hannah, a visit to Whitewater Center, Carowinds, a week in the Outer Banks, a trip to Ohio and the loss of Stephen’s first grandparent, a family camping trip in NC mountains, 2 graduation gatherings, a July 4th lake day, time with Ba, Nana, Papa and Uncle, a visit from the Crouches & Cochrans, we bought a house, we stayed at the Ashton, we went to Litchfield Beach, we swam and swam in our own backyard money pit pool, we went to First Ward Park, 7th St Market, Romare Bearden Park,ImaginOn, Anne Springs Close Greenway, Freedom Park, Charlotte Knights Baseball game and every other spot we could discover in Charlotte.

I found myself staring this summer which sounds incredibly odd to write but typically I resist moments that seem unproductive but I have been so blessed by them. i have watched birds, seen an Owl and a Hawk in our backyard along with all of our Cardinal friends, i watched the waves and remained in awe of the expanse and mystery of the ocean, i have run into the sunroom to watch thunderstorms and felt the exhilaration of thunder and heavy rain.

It feels ridiculous to want to want a medal today for something millions of mothers do for much longer, but I am proud of me and the kids this summer. I think on the whole we had a sweet summer. I had my moments for sure.for sure. I seem to struggle with the transition the most while these two humans seemed game for each day, and also very open to be with each other. Of course, Hannah loved time retconning with old friends and not a 3 year old but she also laughed and played with him more than I could have even pictured. Mateo’s delight for “my hannah” is through the roof. We told him last night that Hannah was going back to school today and all he could say was “what? no!”

I have left myself and come back many times this summer. It has been too much to process the loss and the hope some days. So I have just operated and the disconnect I have felt from God, from myself, from my family on those days where I am not going in haven’t been pretty. So my intention now as we move into a new season is increased consciousness. I have no desire to just operate and survive any longer, I am quite ready to live very very present. I am ready to start new things and dig deep. It has been a long long time since I have felt that capacity - so, may it be so. See ya summer, it has been big.