With only the lights from the Christmas tree on, I make room in my head and heart this morning. It is very dark out with heavy clouds and rain this morning and I sort of want to go back to sleep for a couple hours. My hope however is begin to invite myself and others to enter into Hoping for Little 2.O.
The fire ladders, medicine boxes, and childproof locks were purchased, the crib was rebuilt and a bath mat added to the tub. Good thing our house is kid ready now that Hannah is 6. Ha ha! A dear friend gave me great perspective during our home study that their must be some really hard stories behind each of the seemingly bizarre rules and questions of the homestudy. That really helped me enter the night as best I could because I do want to give a child a second story. The whole will make them as beautiful as they can be, and I am willing to go through the ringer keeping perspective of the chance to invite a new little one into our home.
We are not fully approved yet, but in some ways I lost faith we would even get to this point. 90% through the paperwork, 50% through making our books, 20% through training and 100% through the homestudy visits. The homestudy process is not for the faint of heart for sure. You offer answer after answer to questions of past harm or decisions or you predict your future as a parent - what your discipline plans are for when the child is 15, what type of child will be best for your home, and what you do if they don't attach to you? With the energy that is left after the drilling you work hard to fend of bitterness of the process and you hope the interrogations and paperwork protect children.
Our final homestudy and home inspection went well. We felt tired but very peaceful. I know it was because people were thinking and praying for us. I admire the social workers who balance the significant weight of hope with reality of the process and the uncertainties. They let us know that they can't see anything that wouldn't have us be easily approved. I felt relief. Thankful. Now on to letters to birthparents and the book. Thanks for being with us.